You're gonna be fine
by TakahashiYuri
Summary: My first story in english so please be kind. I have no beta so if you want to make this story a favor, just PM me. :-) Enjoy and please, tell me if you like it. "Dunham, one day I will find out what's going on in your head and then... Then will mankind celebrate. You're quite bizzare, know that?"


_"You're gonna be fine."_

Those simple words were written on piece of paper. She had heard them before. Now she's been reading them. Simple words from _him._ From her partner, big brother, best friend and a man she loved. She thought to herself " _I'm never gonna be fine. Not without this. Without us._ "  
Whatever they ever had with his death it was over.

 _When she kissed him for the first time... She was a little bit drunk. That day started as a shit and as a shit it continued and also ended. They were in a pub,_ their pub _, and she was so lost in her thoughts that she didn't count drinks. That golden liquor which, with slightly burning feeling, run down her neck and Charlie just sat beside her and looked at her with that unreadable expression._

 _They were partners for nearly five years. And because of her stupidity he got shot today - a bullet scratched his ribs on the left side - very close to his heart. He had there twelve stitches and it hurt like a hell. She could tell, because he was pale and on his forehead there were drops of sweat when he tried to walk normally._

 _Now, when they both sat at bar, his face was calm - no pain._

 _"Charlie, I am sorry. It was my fault."_

 _He moved closer to her. "Liv, it's not your fault. You can't see behind the corner. I am alive - it hurts like hell and I will be bitching about it for some time, but I'll live." He smiled._

 _"But you could be dead." It was just a fact. She drank up her drink and looked at him - eyes filled with tears._

 _"I am not. See?" He grasped her hands and put them to his face. He was freshly shaved and still stunk from hospital of disinfectant. And she wasn't used to this behavior of his. Not that he usually hasn't been nice but... Just professional care, right? Nothing like this. And that little gesture of grasping her hands to prove her brain he is very much alive and right beside her, broke something in her body, her heart and mind._

 _So she kissed him while he was still holding her hands. The response was immediate - soft lips opened and..._ Shit! What the fuck am I doing?!

 _Olivia just quickly grabbed her things and stormed out of pub._

 _The day after he tried to ask her What was that?, but she just shrugged her shoulders with_ Sorry, I was drunk and don't remember a thing.

 _"Oookey." His tune didn't sound like he truly believed her - but Charlie never asked again so Olivia didn't care._

 _Francis didn't need to know she sat whole night in bed, wondering why would she do such stupid thing - like kiss him. When the sun started rising, Olivia was still wide awake, mumbling something about wrong decisions and total eclipse of her brain._

Today was the D day... Oh, wrong - the F day. F like a funeral, Charlie's funeral. It looked like even heaven knew about it. It was cloudy and at the moment Olivia left her apartment, it started to rain. She didn't have time to go back and take her umbrella, so when Dunham get to cemetary, from her wet hair were falling drops and her coat was completely soaked.

 _Must be really nice look at me. On top of that with those big bags under my eyes..._

There were some people - among them their boss, Peter with his father, Astrid, Nina Sharp, some co-workers who knew Charlie pretty well. And then there was Sonia. The wife. The widow. They had a perfect marriage. Charlie was always honest with her, but Olivia believed, that he was not SO honest to told his own wife about her weak moments.

 _"What's up, Liv?" Voice behind her back startled her. Deep, husky voice. Olivia knew it very well._

 _"I'm fine, Charlie," was the simplest reply. But Dunham knew him pretty well - Francis won't let it go._

 _"Liv, I can see something's bothering you. And if it's about the wound-"_

 _"It's not about the wound."_

 _The room fell into silence. Uncomfortable silence. Charlie took a few steps to her only to saw her back straighten. He stopped few centimeters from her. "Liv, what I've been telling you our whole partnership when things went to real shit?"_

 _She bent her head. "You're gonna be fine." What he didn't know was, that this whole sentence was something like a wishful thinking to her._

 _"It always came true, didn't it?"_

 _"I lied to you."_

 _"I know."_

 _Olivia turned to him with eyes wide open. Yes, they were partners for long time but Charlie told her many times:_ "Dunham, one day I will find out what's going on in your head and then... Then will mankind celebrate. You're quite bizzare, know that?" _And her answer was always the same:_ "Francis, you're not that good detective." _Maybe wrong way of thinking - maybe he was good enough. And now Olivia didn't know what to expect. He was silent, she heard him breathing and that was all. Not a single word._

 _His face was calm, his whole body was calm! There were no signs of anger or tension. And Olivia couldn't force herself to look into his eyes - this was always hard for her and really uncomfortable. "Listen, I'm sorry. It was easier to pretend it never happened. I was drunk, scared of the moment when I nearly lost you and these latest days I still have it before my eyes."_

 _And Charles fucking Francis just stood in front of her with that fucking smile of his._

 _"Can you say somethin at least?" Patience never was one of her pluses. The shake of his head was the only answer she got. "Fine." She just got past him and intended to go on, but Charlie grasped her elbow and stopped her._

 _Air in the room felt somehow different, heart in her chest started beating so fast it scared her. And Francis hadn't that stupid smile on face - he was looking at her lips instead. Before Olivia could do anything, he kissed her. It wasn't sloppy nor with taste of alcohol. Slowly they moved to one of many desks in the room and Olivia found herself leaning againts it with Charlie's hands on her hips. The kiss reminded her of first summer rain, like he was savouring her._

 _"I lo-"_

Beep!

 _Shit... So lost in the moment, she almost did another stupid thing._

 _Francis looked at his phone and took few steps aside. Before he left the room, with phone near his ear, he just said: "I've found out. We'll celebrate."_

Even now she still didn't know if this was the last kiss from the true agent Francis or not. Olivia hadn't the nerve to try found it out. When the real Charlie died? What of this was real? Did he know about her feelings? Why didn't she recognize it wasn't Charlie anymore?

Raindrops were still falling, a small piece of paper in her hand was crumpled and probably perfectly wet but it didn't matter. At work they sent time to time notes to each other. Right now it sounded like a good idea to say goodbye that way. To the real Charlie, her Charlie, her partner.

 _You're gonna be fine._ \- That was his handwriting. And below that...

 _Hope you are enjoying that party for finding out... Love you, Liv_

Maybe she won't have nightmares anymore.


End file.
